Pass the buck.

June 30th will mark the 20th birthday of the Canadian Loonie, the dollar coin with the bird on the front. It was supposed to have a man in a canoe. How iconic. Maybe the next new coin should have a pickup truck.

The big thing again.

So big machines are really extensions of the creators personality. Not always the case. Some big things have to be big to solve a big problem, like earth moving equipment. War has been, no doubt, a major driving force in giving anyone with half an idea and part of a brain, (and access to a general's ear), the support and manpower necessary to bring to reality some really dangerous machines. And I don't mean to the enemy.

I believe that many large, unsafe and continually costly machines are simply the result of too much time, a dream and bozos dumb enough to pay for it. The latter, unfortunatley, are often the taxpayers. Sorry.

I could not pass up the chance to tell you about this mighty machine: Stalin's Engine. Unlike the Czars Cannon, this monster actually worked a bit.

First a little bit of locomotive engineering for all those unfamiliar with whats good and whats bad about steam engines. We all know they are just plain cool and romatic. The whistle, the steam and the chugga chugga. They were also very powerful and fast. Trouble was as the need for power and speed increased, the only way to add more of those was to go bigger. Which meant they needed to stop more often for water. Hey, all the steam means the water's being used up. And they got heavier, a lot heavier. It's hard to build taller with tunnels and such, so you had to go longer.

Now this had its own problems. You can only go so long before they won't go around some corners. Locomotives don't bend in the middle. So too long is no good and, of course, too heavy is bad too. The rails are laid on the ground which can be shifty or affected by weather. Ooh, and oh yeah, there's the bridges to consider.

So in 1934, the clever Russians went for the gusto and built Stalin's Engine. The largest steam engines ever attempted had 12 ( 6 per side) driving wheels. They went one better, two actually, and had an unheard of 14. It could not go around anything but the mildest curves, so the builders tried to articulate some of the drive wheels. That just made the thing even more troublesome. Didn't matter. Russian rails were in various stages of repair and a hundred different sizes and load capacities. It was so heavy it regularly split the rails, broke switches and, not surprisingly, rarely stayed on the track. To make matters worse, it was too long for the turntables of the day. So if it actually stayed upright, it could only travel on looped lines so it could get back.

Wonder what the world's biggest lawnmower looks like.

What was that real big bang?

Don't have time for a particularly long post today but I couldn't pass this up. Over 350 years ago almost 50 tons of gunpowder blew up in the Dutch city of Delft. A quarter of the city was flattened. Apparently the keeper of the gunpowder magazine went down to check on it and something sparked the explosion. This is where any investigative journalist living then would start asking questions. For example, what was he thinking checking gunpowder anyway? Does it melt or evaporate? Was he carrying a brazier with him, or smoking a pipe? And for a city famous for painters and tile, what were they doing warehousing this much powder?

I'm off to the library tommorow to see what I can find. Big explosions usually have a story.

Bigger IS better.

Growing tired of really weird leaders has naturally led me to examine extraordinarily large things that did not, or ever, work very well. There is a streak of callous curiousity that causes me to pour over tales of fast things blowing up, machines coming unglued when pushed to the limit and for the people who have no regard for any personal safety(theirs or others).

One such really big thing is something called the Czars Cannon. According to the Kremlin, it rests in the Armory and has never fired a shot. I did some poking on the Internet and managed to find a few facts: It was built in 1586, weighed 85000 pounds, had a 36 inch bore and apparently shot, what else, 2000 pound boulders.(what were they going to shoot at anyway back then?) . These boulders were actually rounded off and cut by stone masons to resemble traditional cast shot. As much rounding off as they could effect never compensated for the stones being insanely out of balance. Nor could they ever know if the shot would turn to gravel when fired and coat the near countryside with a ton of red hot dust and pebbels.

Not to worry, they never fired it. Apparently it was scary enough just sitting there.

One big boomstick that was fired was the Scottish Mons Meg. It was puny compared to the Moscow Mortar. It had a 19.5 inch caliber and it too fired big rocks. Can't imagine it was quick to load or easy to aim, but I guess it didn't matter. With kilts waving and sparks, flame and thunder screeching across the skies, the Scots had the media war on their side. It blew up during ceremonial firing and was never used again.

Salute to Haligonians.

Edward Corwallis, along with 2000 or so hearty souls founded Chebucto in 1749. Along with the usual supplies, including a fire engine just in case, and with the help of local New Englanders they lay out what will become the city of Halifax. Named after George Dunk, Earl of Halifax.

How green is my lonelyness.

Jean-Paul Sartre, born this day in 1905. French existentialist, playwright and author. He served in WWII and was captured. The clever fellow escaped and went on to serve in the resistance. He even wrote his first plays during the war. Hats off to a writer who can make plays about existentialism fun.

An inconvenient computer.

So for all of you doing what I'm doing right now, tapping words into a computer, think back to those early machines you trusted your best prose to. Was it a Wang? An Adam? Maybe like me it was a Vic 20. I can remember writing line by line entire programs into the poor little Vic till I fainted and then handed the chore off to my wife to go for as long as she could. In the end the program was buggy, and if I had been a fool, and I often was, I did not have enough storage memory to keep it. I sometimes left the thing on for weeks while I tried to master some crazy ass program I thought was good for me.

My first PC was a work cast off that didn't work. Turns out the PC's battery was dead. They didn't make it anymore so I soldered 2 AA's together and soldered that to the motherboard. Voila! Next was getting the mighty 4mb hard drive to fire up. Seems it had hundreds of bad sectors. Now you have no idea how big 4mb is of anything until you go pissing around in it to try and get your computer to start on a GOOD sector. But luck and hard work prevailed; read that as tedium, and it fired up. Good old Windows 3.1!!

If you were like me I got the my current computer just when that OS was being upgraded so there was a surplus of software for 3.1 out there going real cheap. Software that came with 1900 page manuals and 16 floppys. I yearned for a Windows 95 machine, a real computer.

If anything happened at all in the computer world with the advent of the PC and Mac was the almost immediate death of hundreds of other brands. Not just competing brands but competing technology. The mighty Amiga with all its innovation and power was an odd duck in a sea of comformity. PC's were moving from the office to the home and some were moving into self employment (folks were making money just with a computer, not just using it in the office). So it wasn't long before the software designers had to soften the computer's image. Apple had that aced from the start with cute names and cool cases, but Windows machines were, well boxes. They were hardware. Sounds invasive.

Enter Bob. Anyone who knows me will readily confirm my fondness for Bobs. I have a bird named Bob, call everyone Bob and named a few computers Bob too. Seems the good folk at Microsoft had a love for Bob too. Somewhere between 3.1 and 95 Microsoft introduced BOB.

It was dubbed a "social interface". From what I have seen of it, it looks kind of like a Sims game with the user doing stuff on their computer by entering rooms and interacting with household objects. Some of which do nothing. How cute and effective. Speaking of which, we owe those cute paper clippy guys and puppy dog helpers on Microsoft applications of yore to Bob.

For a witty and informative look at Bob, I know you want to, check out this PC World Techblog http://blogs.pcworld.com/techlog/archives/001614.html

More fun than a long boat full of Vikings.

When I'm 64

The War of 1812 begins. Ends 2 years later on Christmas Eve.

Susan B. Anthony fined $100 for trying to vote in the 1873 presidential election. What was she thinking.

In 1948 the Long Playing record was unveiled. Spinning at 33.3 RPM, Columbia Records promises more music and less flipping.

And, yes Paul McCartney was born on this day in 1942.

Notable passings this week.

Donald Herbert, known to television fans as Mr. Wizard, died yesterday, he was 89. A throwback to a gentler time in television, he was, like the other Misters (Rogers and Dressup) respectful to his audience and cared to get things right, because it mattered. And he could do things the network lawyers would never let anyone do nowadays. Holy crow some kid might try it at home!

Kurt Waldheim, former UN Secretary General and former president of Austria, died today, he was 88. Most of his political life was dogged by assertions he had been at worst a WWII war criminal or at least knew of them. This did not stop him being elected Austrian president in the 80's.

And . . . .

Edwin Traisman, 91, died June 9. He worked for Kraft foods and helped develop Cheez Whiz (thank heavens) and instant pudding. Hmmm, seems to have a creamy, sauce -ish theme going. And to round out a healthy meal he patented a method to freeze the french fries used in McDonald's restaurants.

An inconvenient chief

There is little account of many of the Viking or Norse heavies out there in the universe (that is to say easily dug up on the Internet) but I did do some digging today and got caught up in the unique and frequently hilarious names and stories that ARE out there. The Viking sagas abound with what we expect; Viking longboats filled with red bearded brutes attacking pleasant farming villages.

One such heavy was a charming chap named Ivar Ragnarsson, or Ivar the Boneless. He was a Danish chieftain who earned his heavyweight reputation around 860-870AD by attacking East Anglia with some of his trusty relatives in what they called the Great Heathen Army. What marketing. Can you imagine what went through their minds when word got out that the "Great Heathen Army" just checked in at the pub and was about to go about knocking heads? The East Anglians quietly came to terms with Ivar.

This was a good idea. Ivar was considered to be what was called in Norse lore a "beserker", a member of a potent fighting squad within a Viking army that got crazy mad, out of control freaked out over the top wild before they went into battle. So the Great Heathen Army was staffed with beserkers. Makes you vomit thinking how tough these guys were. And oh yeah, just for fun, his brothers went by the names of Bjorn Ironside and Sigurd Snake in the Eye.

Here's the odd thing: His name, Ivar the Boneless. There are some scholars who suggest that he suffered from a rare disease where the leg bones were soft, and he was actually carried about from battle to battle.

Old music I'm listening to.

Had a chance to listen to Art Tatum tonight. Its a recording with Benny Carter on sax and Louis Bellson on drums. He worked with many trios and they all were exceptional. From a Pablo recording called Group Masterpieces Volume 1. I'll get more info on this and where to buy later on. I'm a big Louis Bellson fan so this too cool.

Birthday alert

Yes its true. Cheap Trick drummer, Bun E. Carlos, born on June 12, 1951.

An inconvenient monarch.

James the II of England had the misfortune (for him no doubt) and arguably for much of Protestant England, to develop a taste for things Catholic just prior to beginning his career as King. The depths to which folk plunged themselves into religion during these times is terrifying. Charles the II, king of England before James, opposed his conversion with a passion, including denying the right of his own children to convert. Seems the Protestants had the heeby jeebies and weren't going to take a chance that one or more of James kids would make it to the throne one day. So what does Charles do but let James marry a Catholic. Now the mainly Protestant public took note and started to realize that their country could indeed be ruled by a Catholic one day. Holy crap! (literally). No prob, Charles was young when he ascended the throne, lots of kids in him.



Charles died childless, at least legitimate children childless, to the horror of both the parliment and Protestant clergy. Rumours sprang up around every corner of England about "popish plots", slang for a Catholic was about to become king.



James the II took the crown in 1685. Things went well for about a month, a long time for a reigning English monarch then, when a coup was launched by James Scott, Duke of Monmouth. The Monmouth Rebellion got James Scott to the throne for about a day or two before his ass was kicked at the Battle of Sedgemore. So that means hangings, drawn and quater-ings and a general get back at the bad guys free for all. They had a message to get across in what has come to be known as the Bloody Assizes. Most folk thought it was a good idea and went back to growing oats and drawing water.



So now that James the II was in the clear he figured he better get some protection. He raised an army of 20,000 + just in case. These "standing armies" may make you feel secure, but armies are made to fight. Getting them to essentially just stand there is a bad idea. But in his case he wasted no time in pissing everyone off so he would need the army anyway. He appointed Catholics left, right and centre to any post with even the slightest authority. And just for fun, he fired as many Protestants as he could.



He then issued the Declaration of Indulgence, essentially a lopsided freedom of religion manifesto, that told people to go easy on the Catholics. All would have been fine but James couldn't leave things alone for a minute. He demanded that the Protestant clergy recite it in their churches. So we know whats coming. He's gonna have a fight like he's never seen it on his hands.



In what was called the Glorious Revolution, James the II was swept out of England to be exiled in France. Did OK there actually. Nice house, money, he was good for now. The monarchy was denied his son and instead went to his daughter Mary and her husband William. They proclaimed a Bill of Rights that forbade Catholics from becoming king or queen, and forbade a monarch marrying one.



James, not one to leave a hornets nest alone, got a French army together and landed in Ireland. Ireland had not recognised his abdication a year earlier and accepted him as the King. William would have none of this nonsense and promptly tarred him good at the Battle of the Boyne in 1689. He took off for France after this. The Irish thought little of his fighting ability and dubbed him James the Shit.

Next time I'll have a look at those lovable Vikings.